Considering Leaving

If you have the opportunity, it will be easier for you to make the decision about whether or not to leave when you are not in crisis.  When things are calm, you'll be in a better situation to think through what is best to do. However, sometimes your only alternative is to make that decision during a crisis. If this happens, you must use whatever is available to you to leave in the safest way possible.

Some people leave their partners and return several times before making a final break. If this is your situation, it's okay. Every time you have left, or done something else to change your situation, you have made yourself stronger.

There are many reasons that may make it difficult for you to leave.

  • You may fear for your life and those of your children. Some abusive partners threaten to harm or kill their partners and their children when they attempt to leave
  • You may feel guilty and think you are doing something to make your partner abusive
  • Your partner's family and relatives, or even your own, may urge you to stay
  • You may feel responsible for keeping your family together. Some cultures maintain that you must stay with your partner "for better or worse."
  • You may fear that the law will punish you if you leave your home
  • You may fear that you will not be able to provide for your children by yourself
  • You do not want your children to grow up without your partner
  • You may hope that your partner will change
  • You have been told you will lose your immigration status


If you decide to leave being prepared is one of the best ways to ensure the safety of you and your children and to begin taking control of your life. You may want to contact some of the resources listed for assistance in planning your departure.

Refer to “What to Take With You When You Leave