Most people, average citizens and professionals alike, are convinced that they know more about family violence than they really do. This misconception rests on the belief that "common sense" is all that is necessary to cure violence in families, and that outside interventions interfere with "natural" family mechanisms for solving problems. Many people continue to view the statistics reported by experts with scepticism and denial. By contrast, the public often accepts reports on other major social problems such as the prevalence of poverty or influenza outbreaks without questioning their validity.
Despite all the data, statistics, and knowledge that have been accumulated on domestic violence, many opinions, practices, and policies are still based on myths and illusions. Many of these misconceptions are strongly held views that need to be challenged through education and analysis of facts. Some of the more popular myths are described below, followed by research studies and professional opinion that clarify the inaccuracies or misconceptions underlying them.
MYTH:
Men who abuse women are mentally ill.
FACT:
Abuse of women is too widespread to be explained by mental illness. Most men who assault their partners confine their violence to the privacy of their own home. If violence was caused by mental illness, why don't violent husbands or partners lash out at friends, co-workers and other family members? If the man was truly mentally ill, he would lack the ability to be selective in his targets and controlled in his administration of abuse.
MYTH:
Alcohol causes someone to abuse their partner.
FACT:
While alcohol is often consumed by the abusive partner, it is not the cause of the abuse. Alcohol is often used as an excuse for their behaviour, as an attempt to remove the responsibility from themselves. Some abusers may become intoxicated in order to act out their violent wishes.
MYTH:
Abuse occurs most often among certain cultural or ethnic groups.
FACT:
Partner abuse occurs in all ethnic, religious, economic, social, professional, educational levels and age groups. There are no exceptions.
MYTH:
Certain personality types are more likely to become victims of violence.
FACT:
Anyone, no matter what type of personality, can become a victim of violence in an intimate relationship. People may have different ways of coping with the violence and are affected by it in different ways.
It is likely true that girls who have grown up with violent fathers believe that they will be powerless in the event that they are abused by their own partners. However, there is little evidence to suggest that they are more likely to choose a violent partner in their future relationships than are women who have grown up with nonviolent fathers.
MYTH:
Women provoke abuse; therefore they deserve what they get.
FACT:
No woman ever deserves to be abused.
This myth shifts the blame onto the victim and provides an excuse for the abuser. This popular myth assumes that the woman must have done something to deserve the violence (or, worse, for some reason, she has deliberately chosen a violent partner because she somehow enjoys the violence).
Many abused women often do report a strong sense of guilt and personal responsibility for the violence they experience. The question "What did you do?" reinforces this belief and implies that the violence would end if she would stop provoking her partner. Moreover, it is strongly suggested that the failure to comply actually increases a woman's risk for more serious harm, leaving her with no safe alternatives. Assertive responses on her part will only escalate the violence.
MYTH:
An abused partner could leave their abuser if they wanted to.
FACT:
A partner may remain in an abusive relationship for a variety of reasons. For instance, they may be committed to their marriage and desperately want it to be successful because of religious beliefs or family values. The victim loves their partner and wants to believe the promises that the abuse will stop. Low self-esteem and sense self-worth may prevent them from seeking out other options. Isolation may prevent a support system. A lack of financial security may prevent them from leaving, fearing that they could not support themselves or their children on their own. A fear of further violence and threats of death if the victim leaves are also reasons why an abused partner may stay. If the couple share children, the possible risk of losing them or possible harm to them may keep one from leaving the relationship. They may also fear losing immigration status.
Most partners are afraid to leave such relationships because of the threats or intimidation made by their abuser.
MYTH:
Pregnant women are protected from violent attacks.
FACT:
Women who are pregnant are actually more vulnerable to violence. Many women describe the abuse starting or escalating when they first discover they are pregnant. Some men take advantage of the fact that pregnant women have even less access to resources and are therefore more dependent on their partners. The man's jealousy of the new baby needing its' mother's attention may also be a factor in the development of abuse.
MYTH:
As long as children are not abused themselves, they are not affected by witnessing violence in the home.
FACT:
In the early stages of child abuse research, the courts and professionals considered only visible bruises and other injuries as evidence of abuse. It was generally believed that merely witnessing violence between parents was of little or no consequences to the child's welfare.
Our knowledge of child abuse has now expanded to include its emotional and psychological consequences. We now know that abuse exists on two levels: direct experiences, such as physical and sexual assaults; and indirect experiences, such as observing abuse of their caregiver. In fact, witnessing such violence can cause the same emotional and behavioural problems as being the actual target of the abuse. The majority of children who witness violence display symptoms such as having nightmares, re-experiencing frightening scenes, being afraid much of the time, psychosomatic ailments, and sleep disturbances, all signs of posttraumatic stress disorder. Children suffer these symptoms because the highly emotional, frightening circumstances in the home provoke terror and the need to escape whenever parents raise their voices or display anger.
Problems with Myths:
Myths shift the responsibility of the violence away from the actual individual who committed the act. These explanations insinuate that the violence was not the abuser's fault and that they should not be responsible, for there are outside explanations for the violence. To understand this concept fully, ask yourself this question: If stress, drugs and alcohol were the sole cause of the violence, should there not be a large epidemic of male victims as well?
These traditional explanations fail to explain the gender and power relations which are present in all forms of male violence against women. They do not explain why men choose to assault women that they know.