If I am Able to Speak Safely with a Victim About Their Children, What is the Most Important Information to Convey?

The most important thing to convey to a victim is your concern for their safety and the safety of their children. Use non-blaming language when you talk to them about the impact that abuse may be having on his or her children. It may be helpful to work together to develop some ideas for ways to lessen the negative impact on their children.


These talking points can be included in the discussion with the victim:

  • Emphasize the importance of providing children with the opportunity to safely express their feelings. Explain to them that they could try to provide examples of different feelings (i.e. happy, sad, frustrated, scared, etc.), appropriate ways to express them, and ways to recognize them in others.
  • Use non-judgmental terms when referring to his or her child’s behaviour – do not use ‘good’, ‘bad’, ‘not nice’, etc.
  • Illustrate the importance of creating a safety plan for them and their children.
  • Suggest that children have a chance to be in control of something. The opportunity to make decisions increases their self-esteem and sense of control.
  • Encourage them not to demonize or criticize the offending parent. This may confuse children and create feelings of disloyalty.


Refer to [Talking to an Abuse Victim] for More Information